Middle School, Fatherhood, and the Kind of Strong I Hope She Becomes

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a good dad to a middle schooler — more specifically, to my daughter. Watching her step into this new chapter of life — with the awkward schedules, evolving friendships, and identity exploration — has me reflecting on the kind of foundation I hope we’re building together.

She’s growing up in a world that’s loud, fast, and full of pressure to perform or conform. And more than ever, I want her to know that her voice matters — even if it shakes. That strength doesn’t always look like toughness. That kindness doesn’t mean shrinking to make others more comfortable.

I want her to be strong.I want her to be confident.I want her to be true to herself. But more than anything, I want her to know she can be all of those things and still lead with compassion.

Here’s the thing: being a “good person” gets packaged so often as being “nice.” But nice can sometimes mean quiet. Agreeable. Convenient. I don’t want her to grow up thinking she has to be small to be loved or accepted. I don’t want her to silence herself just to keep the peace.

Kindness, real kindness, is so much deeper. It’s rooted in empathy, in boundaries, in showing up for others and yourself. It means knowing when to speak up and when to listen. It means calling something out when it’s wrong, even if it’s uncomfortable. It means treating people with dignity, even when they haven’t earned it — but not letting them walk all over you either.

That’s the dance, right? The balance between backbone and heart.

As her dad, I know I’m only one piece of the puzzle in shaping who she becomes. But I hope that in our everyday moments — the car rides, the chats over breakfast, the way I treat her mom, the way I handle my own mistakes — she sees what it looks like to lead with strength and softness.

She’s got so much ahead of her. And while I can’t protect her from every hard thing, I can walk beside her and remind her:

You don’t have to be nice. But you should always try to be kind. And you never have to apologize for being exactly who you are.